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Dec. 23rd, 2003 @ 01:33 am RotK in Summary
Now Feeling: summary
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Can't be bothered going to see the movie? Fell asleep half way through? I am here to save the day. Except I've only seen it once and so I don't really remember what heppens when. You know, you really would think I had better things to do, or could at least wait till I saw it again. But I am very impatient.

BBFC Certification
Audience: Yay! Woo! *claps*
Title
Audience: Yay! Woo! *claps*

Scene - a river
Audience: Yay! Woo! *claps*
Deagol: *splash*
Smeagol: eep
Deagol: glug
Smeagol: ooh
Ring: *whisper whisper*
Deagol: erk
Smeagol: Preciousssss

Scene - a mountain
Gollum: *evil cackle*
Sam: *worried face*
Frodo: *angsty face*

Scene - Isengard
Merry: I am so high! How are you Pippin?
Pippin: I am soooo high!
Merry: I am like way higher than you, dude
Pippin: Ha ha h ah aaha. Hey look it's Gandalf and Strider and the poncy elf!
Gandalf: *stern look*
Legolas: *pout*
Palantir: *glimmer*
Pippin: Ooh shiny!
Gandalf: Mine!
Treebeard: creak

Scene - Edoras (outside)
Legolas: *looks pouty*
Aragorn: *looks manly*

Scene - Edoras (inside)
Pippin: *steals Gandalfs shiny ball*
Merry: Er
Pippin: Argh!
Merry: o0o
Pippin: Argh argh argh!
Gandalf: *very stern look*
Pippin: wibble
Gandalf: Pull yourself together and tell me what you saw.
Pippin: I feel great paaaain and loooonging....
Gandalf: Right, best be off then.
Merry: huff
Pippin: I'm soooooo sorry!
Merry: Talk to the hand.
Pippin: Merry my love!
Merry: teary wibble
Pippin: wah!
Gandalf: *rides off with Pippin - sternly*

scene - Rohirrim Camp
Eowyn: And after we've finished playing soldiers we can play elves!
Merry: Can you braid my hair like Legolas?
Eomer: Good grief!

Scene - Minas Tirith
Gandalf: Don't tell him anything, Pippin.
Pippin: No problem.
Gandalf: *enters hall sternly*
Gandalf: Hello not-the-king. Do as I say or else!
Denethor: Talk to the hand.
Pippin: BTW, it's all my fault your favourite son is dead.
Denethor: Mmmm... hobbit.
Pippin: Eek!
Gandalf: Respect my authority!

Scene - Rohirrim Camp - a tent
Elrond: I can't believe how much better than the Matrix this movie is! And check out this rad costume!
Aragorn: Huh?
Elrond: Oh right, sword, plot, thingy...
Aragorn: *brandishes sword in manly fashion*

Scene - Outside the Paths of the Dead
Aragorn: *looks manly*
Legolas: *looks pouty*
Gimli: *looks hairy*
Eowyn: *looks weepy*
Theoden: *looks concerned*
Eomer: Good grief!

Scene - the Paths of the Dead
Horses: Eek!
Aragorn: I fear no danger!
Legolas: I fear only cobwebs in my silky hair, but I have brought a comb.
Gimli: *looks hairy*
Ghosts: Woooo!
Aragorn: Respect my authority!
Ghost King: Talk to the hand.
Aragorn: Talk to the sword!
Ghosts: nice sword

Scene - Minas Tirith
Faramir: My life is so hard.
Denethor: Gandalf's stern looks have driven me mad!
Pippin: *looks worried*
Denethor: Leave my presence, Faramir. Your nose displeases me and I suspect your father was the milkman.
Faramir: Fine then! *slams door*
Pippin: er...
Denethor: You have such a pretty mouth... entertain me with it.
Pippin: *sings*
Denethor: That's not what I meant!
Faramir: Just wait till I'm dead, then he'll be sorry.
Denethor: *munch*
Pippin: la la la la
Orcs: *twang*
Faramir: ow!

Scene - a mountain
Gollum: *evil cackle*
Sam: *worried face*
Frodo: *angsty face*
Gollum: *sneaky face*
Frodo: I hate you, Sam. Go home!
Audience: Yay! Sam is so annoying.
Sam: Wah! *leaves*
Audience: Aw, poor Sam!
Gollum: Gotcha!
Frodo: Whu?
Shelob: *scuttles*
Audience: Eek!
Frodo: Eek!
*much running around*
Shelob: *stab*
Frodo: glug ack ugh bleh urgh gah wibble whee urm *thump*

Scene - Minas Tirith
Denethor: I am mad for no real reason and now I shall burn my only remaining son alive and kill myself, mwah-ha ha ha!
Faramir: *groan*
Pippin: Wtf?
*scuffle*
Denethor: Argh! *falls off cliff*
Faramir: *groan*

Scene - a mountain
Sam: *unfeasible killing of giant spider*
Shelob: erk
Frodo:
Sam: pain woe angst
Orcs: Hey look, hobbit to go!
Sam: Nooooooooooooooo!
Frodo:

Scene - Minas Tirith
*much battling*
Theoden: Today is a good day to die!
Rohirrim: Err
Eowyn: Chaaaaarge!!!
Merry: Grrrrr
Eomer: Good grief.
*more battling*
Theoden: How much do we rock!
Audience: Huzzah!
Oliphaunts: *rumble*
Rohirrim: Erk
Theoden: Oh well, dying's back on the schedule.
Eowyn: Chaaaaaarge!!!!!!
Audience: Eep
Witch king: Woooooo!
Theoden: Uh-oh
Fell Beast: *munch*
Eowyn: Nooooooooooooooooooo!
Witch King: Mwah ha ha ha
Eowyn: Die foul fiend!
Merry: What she said!
Witch King: *poof*
Theoden: My potty is broken!
Eowyn: Whu?
Theoden: You must rule in my stead.
Eowyn: Wah!
Aragorn: *looks manly*
Ghosts: Wooooo!
Legolas: Whee!
Gimli: *looks hairy*
Eomer: Good grief.
*much routing of the foe*

Scene - an orc tower
Frodo: whimper
Sam: Chaaaaaarge!
Orcs: wtf?

Scene - the battle field
Pippin: Merry my love!
Merry: whimper
(for rest of scene see extended edition)

Scene - Mordor
Frodo: Woe
Sam: Chin up and all that.
Frodo: *falls over*
Sam: Why is it always me that has to carry him?

Scene - Minas Tirith
Aragorn: What happened to those two guys, the short ones?
Gandalf: Their scenes got cut.
Aragorn: No the other two, the fat one and the angsty one.
Gandalf: Oh them. I had completely forgotten about that.
Aragorn: Something about a ring.
Gandalf: Right, I guess they must be in Mordor by now.
Aragorn: Where Sauron's army is...
Gandalf: Right...
Aragorn: Oops.
Gandalf: Oops.
Eowyn: Chaaaaaarge.
Eomer: *face palm*
Gandalf: What we need is to divert Sauron's attention away from them.
Aragorn: Right, some way of diverting the army from Sam and Frodo's path.
Legolas: Ooh I know I know! A diversion!
Eowyn: Like I said. Chaaaaaaaaaaaarge!
Merry: Chaaaaarge!
Pippin: Chaaaaarge!
Aragorn: Oh what the hell. Chaaaaarge!
*much battling*

Scene - a volcano - exterior
Sam: *falls over*
Frodo: Ow!

Scene - a volcano - interior
Frodo: *angsty face*
Sam: *worried face*
Frodo: Well this has been fun.
Sam: Whu?
Frodo: But really, it'd be a terrible waste of a perfectly nice ring.
Sam: Um...
Frodo: *disappears*
Gollum: Preciousssssss!
*semi-invisible scuffle ensues*
Audience: *tries not to giggle*
Gollum: *bite*
Frodo: Ow! *reappears*
Audience: Eeeeew!
Gollum: *falls into burning lava*
Audience: Eew! Finger! Eew!
Ring: *melts*
Sauron: Eek!
Orc Army: Eek!
Sauron: *poof*
Good guys: Yay!
Volcano: *boom*

Scene - RivendellMinas Tirith - a bed
Frodo: ungh
Gandalf: He's awake.
Heroes: Yay!
*unexpected group orgy*
Audience: Ooh, Legolas is soooo pretty! Is the film finished yet?

Scene - a weddingcoronation
Aragorn: *looks laundered and yet manly*
Subjects: *bow*
Legolas: *looks pretty*
Aragorn: *looks captivated*
Arwen: *clears throat*
Legolas: *gazes into Aragorns eyes*
Aragorn: *clasps Legolas shoulder*
Arwen: *clears throat again*
Legolas: *stands on her toe*
Arwen: *kicks him in the back of the knee*
Legolas: *stumbles aside*
Aragorn: *accidentally kisses Arwen*
Arwen: mmmmmm
Audience: Ooh, Legolas is soooo pretty! Is the film finished yet?

Scene - the Shire
Hobbits: *arrive triumphantly home*
Audience: *start putting on their jackets*
Hobbits: *go to the pub*
Audience: *slurp the last of their coke*
Sam: *marries that Rosie bint*
Pippin: *catches bouquet*
Merry: *pinches his ass*
Frodo: *writes book*
Audience: I mean any minute now, right?
Sam: *has babies*
Audience: Right?

Scene - The Grey Havens
Bilbo: *looks old*
Gandalf: *looks wise*
Galadriel: *looks shiny*
Frodo: *looks pensive*
Audience: Is Legolas going to be in this scene?
Bilbo: *leaves*
Galadriel: *leaves*
Audience: Should we leave?
Frodo: Wait for me!
Sam: Wtf?
Merry and Pippin: Wah!
Sam: But...
Frodo: I just can't get the hang of not being pensive.
Sam: Wah!
Merry and Pippin: Wah!
Audience: This has to be the end right?
Gandalf: *leaves*
Frodo: *leaves*

- The End -

Audience: o0o
Audience: Yay! Woo! *claps*
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From:[info]forever_slash
Date: December 22nd, 2003 06:18 pm (UTC)
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Me: *laughs* *applauds* ^__^
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From:[info]mark356
Date: December 22nd, 2003 07:04 pm (UTC)
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Even so, I think you got mostof the things right. *g*
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From:[info]dancingrain
Date: December 22nd, 2003 07:21 pm (UTC)
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*cheers*

You forgot the uber-end tho:

Audience: *stands up*
Sam: *bobbling his merry way home*
Rosie and children: *smilie faces*
Audience: But wait there's more, right? Right? Aww, darn. *weeps*
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From:[info]pippinspeach
Date: December 22nd, 2003 08:20 pm (UTC)
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Hee!!! I keep waiting for one of these parodies to have Eowyn yelling "Suck my dick!" like GI Jane. ;)
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From:[info]jerzyk
Date: December 23rd, 2003 03:07 am (UTC)
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Hmm, don't know... I always figured Eowyn for a bit of a Ripley. "Get away from him you Bitch!!" (only without the incredibly un-tolkienly robotic exoskeleton.)
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From:[info]marysiak
Date: December 24th, 2003 02:07 pm (UTC)
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I can so very see this now.
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From:[info]mistful
Date: December 23rd, 2003 03:30 am (UTC)
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Oooh, so much love. Faramir so milkman's child. Audience so me.
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From:[info]alfirin_kirinki
Date: December 23rd, 2003 03:05 pm (UTC)
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With all that broody angst I suspect that Aragorn was once the Milkman at Minas Tirith...

Well done. Better, even, than the Secret Diaries.

.a.
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From:[info]marysiak
Date: December 24th, 2003 02:05 pm (UTC)
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Well rangering just doesn't pay the way it used to.
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From:[info]alfirin_kirinki
Date: December 27th, 2003 11:55 am (UTC)
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~titter~

.a.
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From:[info]sidewalk_ashes
Date: December 23rd, 2003 03:26 pm (UTC)
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Hahaha, excellent, man.

XD
From:shadowpyxie
Date: December 23rd, 2003 03:49 pm (UTC)
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(Scene - a volcano - interior)

"Frodo: *disappears*
Gollum: Preciousssssss!
*semi-invisible scuffle ensues*
Audience: *tries not to giggle*"

Hahaha.

~P-chan (random Lj-goer. don't mind me)

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From:[info]_peapod
Date: December 24th, 2003 03:44 am (UTC)
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me: *sniggers*
me: *chokes*
me: *dies*
my brother: oO
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From:[info]scoobygang63
Date: December 24th, 2003 12:14 pm (UTC)
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LMAO fantastic!
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From:[info]devulgari
Date: December 24th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC)
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You left out the

Audience: Abundant weeping.

Everywhere. Everyone. It surprised even me, and I'm a sucker for having my emotions manipulated.
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From:[info]cairmen
Date: December 28th, 2003 09:47 am (UTC)
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*Cackle*.

Wonderful.

Submit it to The Editing Room?
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From:[info]sheron
Date: December 28th, 2003 05:37 pm (UTC)
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Audience: I mean any minute now, right?

*lol* So true.
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From:[info]longtimegone
Date: December 28th, 2003 05:38 pm (UTC)
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AHAHAHAHA YES THAT'S FANTASTIC!

Sorry, just stumbled in from a link on [info]silver_and_gold. Cheers!
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From:[info]hedonisticated
Date: December 28th, 2003 10:09 pm (UTC)
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Hehe that was classic.

Perfect!

Came here from [info]silver_and_gold link. Do I owe someone a present?
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From:[info]treelines
Date: December 29th, 2003 03:04 pm (UTC)
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Mind if I [info]lotrquotes you?
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From:[info]marysiak
Date: December 29th, 2003 03:09 pm (UTC)
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Not at all.
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From:[info]laughingtoomuch
Date: January 2nd, 2004 05:52 pm (UTC)
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You are brilliant and it's all so definitely true. : ) Good job.