The Trees of Eternity

Nov. 14th, 2002 @ 05:14 pm More Ron/Harry

Now Feeling:

melancholy

Nobody commented on the first part but I'm having a little fun exploring the dynamics of this.

A State of Desire cont.

Harry knew how Ron felt. Ron didn't know that Harry knew, but he did.

It had been a shock at first, he had almost laughed and then he had been disgusted and then he had just sat quietly for a bit and thought, "Shit, what am I supposed to do now?"

He hadn't realised himself of course, despite the fact that he was getting used to people staring at him in lust. It happened more and more these days since he had tidied up his wardrobe a bit, started combing his hair occasionally and washing his face more often than once a week. He had discovered it felt nice to be clean and have soft, expensive clothing against his skin.

He had thought Ron was angry about something. He had stopped talking to Harry and would glare at him across the room sometimes even leaving as soon as Harry walked in. Harry had been hurt, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. It was, oddly enough, Malfoy who pointed out the real reason to him.

They had been waiting outside the potions classroom for Hermione, who was running a little late due to her extra classes, when Malfoy sauntered toward them with his usual group of hangers on. "Potter," he had sneered and then turned to Ron. "Weasel. Still sniffing after Potter's arse I see. Can't get any girls to take you I expect. At least Potter's used to hanging about with the dregs of the wizarding world, doesn't have the same sort of standards as the rest of us."

Harry's brain had been too busy whirring to stand up for Ron and it hadn't really been necessary as Ron had hurled himself bodily at Malfoy and just about throttled him while shouting, "He's got better taste than you'll ever have, ferret face. The only reason a girl would touch you would be for your dirty money!"

Malfoy had tried to retort with something along the lines of 'At least I have money' but it had come out, "Grggh Arggh Mmph!" Then Crabbe and Goyle had pulled Ron off and Harry had got around to stopping them from beating him into too much of a pulp... instead they had both been beaten only slightly pulpish.

As he had sat in Snape's oofice waiting for their punishment he had thought over what Malfoy had said. That had been when the laughing seemed appropriate. It just didn't make sense. Why would Ron want him? He was a boy, Ron was a boy. It ws Ron. It was stupid. He stared at Ron. He couldn't be serious could he.

But Ron had looked back at him with this worried, hopeful expression that Harry suddenly recognised absolutely and without a doubt. He had seen that look before on Ginny's face in second year. That was when the shock really hit. The disgust waited a little longer, until that evening in fact when he purposefully went to the bathrooms after Ron had already left them and changed into his pyjamas on his bed with the curtains drawn feeling stupid but unable to handle the idea of Ron looking at him like that.

It had been a few days before he could relax near Ron, a few night s before he'd talked himself out of the ridiculous fear that Ron would try and jump him in the shower or something. I mean so what if he did, Harry would say he wasn't interested and that would be that.

But it would change things between them, if it went that far. If he actually had to say no and then Ron knew he knew and he knew Ron knew. The less people that knew anything the better. He wished he still didn't know.

Harry didn't hold much truck with relationships. He had toyed with the idea of one with Cho in 4th year, watched Ron and Hermione and a number of other couples try and have one in 5th year. Then he'd decided it was a waste of time and he would far rather play Quidditch than get involved in the whole messy business. Once he'd decided it had been remarkably easy not to get caught up in the crushes that seemed to affect most of his friends. He didn't want to get a crush on anyone, so he didn't.

He'd tried to explain it to Ron once but Ron said he didn't have that kind of self control. That much was very obvious.

He wasn't nervous around Ron anymore but it had changed things. He didn't want to encourage this so he was always careful what he wore or said around him. It made him feel... tense. His shoulders and neck ached a lot and sometimes it would run up and turn into a pounding headache.

Life wasn't as much fun as it had used to be when he was younger, before people started getting crushes and worrying about how they looked and trying to be a grown up. He missed things being fun.

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From:	ex_dark_soul916
Date:	November 14th, 2002 12:25 pm (UTC)

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OH!!

::cradles ron to her bossom::

that's so terrible, i must admit that i like the first one better though.

simply because of the hope, simply because you don't know that harry doesn't care for him like that.

it's light and bright and true, and so is this, only it's weighed down by the knowledge and darkened by the pretense.

i just hope he doesn't break ron's heart.

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From:	yourpoison
Date:	November 14th, 2002 01:52 pm (UTC)

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i didn't respond, in my meepiness over the harry/ronness of it all~:)
plus, you know, exposition. is believable and sad and i could see it. i feel like nodding sagely and saying "poor ron". i actually liked how it's unrequited, because well-- it's always requited, or almost always, isn't it? stories are built around requited-but-repressed or requited-but-unacknowledged or requited-but-ignored, and so on.

and this is a realistic reaction on harry's part. although i would think he'd still talk to ron-- eventually.
but yah, how freaky would -that- be. though admittedly, no more or less freaky than any unrequited crush among one's close friends....

although it's suspicious, slightly, the unrequitedness, because harry doesn't seem to feel much for -anyone-, so who knows what would happen if he let it all hang out :D

it's refreshing. unrequitedness without angst or suicidal impulses or melodrama-- sort of-- the way it happens, more often than not.
maybe this is why people pair poor little asexual harry with draco.

what this boy needs is a wake-up call. passion. violent passion. something that he couldn't ignore and that would do more than making him uncomfortable and meepey~:)

*thinks* maybe if ron jumped him... *laughs*
ok, no~:)

definitely how harry would be (in my mind) without draco's "positive influence" :D kinda... blah. *sigh*

~reena

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From:	mrtreacle
Date:	November 14th, 2002 02:10 pm (UTC)

Innocence

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The desire to remain. For things to maintain the simplicity they once had. I remember that.
Except it isn't true.
Before there was sex there were other problems, issues, matters to address, reasons to fear. But you can grow beyond them and forget them. And then there is only sex.
Having something to hide behind only seems to make life easier - your still engaged because, like it or not, you are aware. Innocence, if ever it existed (and it didn't, but that's a very</> long post)is lost.
I think you have some of the undercurrent of wilfull self-deception here. A nice place to situate the sexual tension - it's as much entirly within Harry as between him and Ron. Cold go somewhere very interesting.

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From:	mrtreacle
Date:	November 14th, 2002 02:13 pm (UTC)

Re: Innocence

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I'm an idiot - html is not a foriegn language!
Ok - maybe it is of a sort, but it aint japanese!

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trapped in the amber of the moment. there is no why

Innocence

Re: Innocence