| Nov. 29th, 2009 @ 01:08 am Religion, philosophy, life - all the small stuff. |
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I've been in flux regarding religion for some time.
I like a lot about the tradition I joined, I respect its practices as effective and serious, but suspect it's not the right path for me. I can do it, I get a lot from it, but it's not answering all my questions. I stepped back from it last year and am taking time to find out exactly what else I need in the mix.
This doesn't feel like an optional journey. It's tied into my philosophy, my daily choices, all the things I consider far more important than 'which office I work in' or 'how much I should be earning by 35'. I really could have become a monk at a younger age (Eastern, of course).
So I was heartened to read this excellent post on ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) nonfluffypagans (an LJ community which doesn't apologise for having quality control). I don't know the writer's precise path, they mention 'pagan witchcraft' at one point, but the sentiments hold true for lots of neopaganism that I've encountered.
"Your true path is the one that calls you to walk naked in a hailstorm, and you can't figure out why anyone else has a problem with it. You get bruises and frostbite and you remember them fondly as "the fun parts."
"A substantial part of my job as a priestess is to actively drive away potential converts. To tell them this *isn't* fun, isn't pretty, is instead full of annoying work that nobody understands and even your spiritual kinfolk think you're crazy half the time. That the emotional support network is erratic, that the communities are crammed full of wannabes and fuckwits and pretentious jerks who haven't noticed the difference between "12 years experience" and "1 year experience, repeated 12 times." That the media thinks we're demons or perverts or bored housewives with eccentric hobbies, and that's going to be the case for a very long time."
That post is about being harshly honest to new people asking about pagan paths on the internet, because if one is right for you, comments from strangers will be nowhere near enough to put you off it. (It's worth reading the rest at the link, very good stuff.)
I've still got this search for a 'true path' pulling at me, relentless. I don't have a life direction, a career I care anything about or a 5-year plan, but for the first time in years I'm slowly finding where my boundaries are (before they change again).
"What do you WANT to do?" ask a droning army of career advisors - "Well gee, I'd never thought of asking myself that (every day since I was 15), I can see why you make the big bucks!". I have things I enjoy, none of which pay money (no, not even if I get creative with them). But I don't have a goal, a cause, a mission - and in place of that, all I can do is explore for more answers, *hard*. I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to be satisfied with anything that is remotely mundane. Everything seems irrelevant except the people I love and finding some peace in my soul.
What do I want to do? I want to love my lovers, celebrate with my friends, stick to my principles and live ferociously. I want to find enlightenment, be proud of my choices, inspire people to look within, drag the world out of its grabbing insanity and create greatness. I want passion, beauty and truth every day. Which job do I apply for on the internet to get that - chartered accountant? Something in marketing, perhaps? Oo - recruitment consultant. Apparently this is my 'chance to make £££s', or so I'm told.
Sophie Lancaster was a girl who, in August 2007, was killed by a gang of youths who attacked her and her boyfriend. As she shielded his head, the gang kicked and stamped on both of them. She fell into a coma and died shortly afterwards. Sophie's crime was looking funny - she wore black, had piercings, unusual hair. Turns out being a goth is enough to get you kicked to death in the street in the UK.
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation was set up to try and reduce intolerance to subcultures through education. (I'm currently a member of at least 5 subcultures I can think of immediately, so it's an aim I can appreciate). They have just released a short and heartfelt animated movie about her death (see the link). I'd like to do something for the charity, but the ideals I mentioned above are way beyond that - how are we meant to achieve anything noble when we need all this effort to drag people up to neutral?
"The other side of Virtue" was an interesting book. Brendan Myers talking about how the word has changed from its original use to the Christian version (Christian virtues are nearly all about being docile, as in 'ready to be taught'. Passive, receptive to laws, repressing instincts in favour of external authority.) I'm not bashing Christianity: their approach has its wisdom, and the religion looks wider than this word suggests. Jesus is attributed as saying the opposite enough times, for a start. Other historical traditions used the term in very different ways.
One alternate meaning saw being active as essential, since a virtue is a pure ideal to strive for rather than reach. This form didn't emphasise turning inward but rather outer engagement with people in society. The active, heroic-culture versions call for a person to be brilliantly honourable, courageous, to know yourself utterly, to live such a blazing, defiant, complete life, fully and honestly engaged with the world, that your virtue was obvious to anyone who looked at you.
Still trying to find which job lets me do that and also pay rent.
"Key account manager".
"Diffusion engineer".
"Mortgage consultant".
"Telemarketer"... |
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